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‘Highly narcissistic’ people love to say these 7 phrases—here’s how to respond: Harvard-trained psychologist
People with narcissistic traits often have an inflated sense of their own talents, achievements and significance in the world. They’re sensitive to criticism and struggle to have any empathy or appreciation for others.

This self-centered focus on their own needs is usually at the expense of everyone around them, which makes communicating with them challenging. You may be left feeling dismissed, criticized or invisible.

As a Harvard-trained psychologist, I’ve found that there are seven phrases you’ll hear from highly narcissistic people:

1. ‘You’re lucky I even care.’

Narcissists see themselves as special and better than everyone else. They believe that other people should feel grateful to be in their orbit because they are all so flawed in comparison.

Similar phrases:

“You don’t deserve me.”
“You should feel relieved that I haven’t cut you out of my life.”

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2. ‘You’re so pathetic.’

Many narcissists are chronically disappointed by others. In response, they may put those people down with cutting, hurtful and mean-spirited insults.

Similar phrases:

“You’re such a loser.”
“No one else would ever want to be with you.”

3. ‘You need me.’

Narcissists often resort to manipulative tactics like threats or intimidation to keep people invested in the relationship because they feel safer maintaining control, rather than sharing power.

Similar phrases:

“Be careful or you’ll push me away.”
“I’ll ruin you if you cross me, and no one will want to be associated with you.”

4. ‘You are wrong to feel that way.’

It’s hard for people with narcissistic traits to empathize with others. As a result, they rarely see the other person in a relationship as an independent individual with their own thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Similar phrases:

“My feelings matter more.”
“I’m usually right.”

5. ‘Everyone else is an idiot.’

Narcissists have a strong desire to feel superior to others. One way they do that is by putting people down. They tend to make negative comments about everyone else — friends, family or even unknown acquaintances — to build themselves up as part of a separate, special kind of person.

Similar phrases:

“Your friend is lame. Why do you hang out with them?”
“These people have nothing to offer me.”

6. ‘My feelings are your fault.’

When a narcissist is upset, they’ll blame others for their feelings instead of acknowledging their role in the situation. Rather than holding themselves accountable, they’ll complain about how unfair other people are.

Similar phrases:

“If you just did what I asked you to do, I wouldn’t be so upset right now.”
“I wouldn’t be yelling if you didn’t make me so angry!”

7. ‘I don’t have time for this.’

People with narcissistic tendencies are good at stonewalling — cutting off communication to show how upset they are. They will pretend to not be affected, while giving you the silent treatment.

Similar phrases:

“I’m fine. What are you even talking about?”
Saying nothing at all.

The No. 1 way to respond to a narcissist

The best way to respond to a narcissist is not to react at all. Pause in the moment, but don’t leave the conversation entirely. Don’t yell or become defensive.

After a deep breath, you can say, “I need to think about this before I respond, so I’m going to need a minute.” This will give you time to collect your thoughts and notice your emotions. More importantly, you’ll be less likely to say something you might regret later.

Then, set clear boundaries. Here are some examples:

“I hear you, I just don’t agree with you.”
“Thank you for sharing your perspective. When you’re open to hearing mine, I can share it.”
“It sounds like you’re having a lot of feelings right now. I am here to listen if you’d like, but if you put me down or intentionally try to hurt me, I am going to walk away because it isn’t healthy for me to be called names.”
“I want you to know that I see you and I hear your perspective. I just have a different one, and that’s okay with me.”

Remember, while a narcissist may continue to communicate in harmful ways, their words can’t have power over you unless you let them.

Their most common communication tactics are manipulation and control. That is a reflection of who they are and how they experience they world, not a reflection of you and your values.

Dr. Cortney S. Warren, PhD, is a board-certified psychologist and author of the new book “Letting Go of Your Ex.” She specializes in romantic relationships, addictive behavior, and honesty. She received her clinical training at Harvard Medical School after earning her doctorate in clinical psychology from Texas A&M University. Follow her on Instagram @DrCortneyWarren or Twitter @DrCortneyWarren.

https://www.cnbc.com/2025/04/05/harvard-...to-respond.html